Expectations

One of my biggest fears is that when I die, Jesus is going to be disappointed in me and yell at me. I haven’t done enough. I haven’t witnessed to people, I haven’t brought anybody to Christ. I’m afraid I’m a total loser and he’s going to yell at me. I’ve tried to dispel these thoughts, I’ve told myself I’m saved by grace. Works aren’t going to matter, we can’t “work” our way into heaven. I’ mean I’ve gone through the whole litany of what it means to be God’s child. The fact that it isn’t about what I do but what he did for me. Can’t shake the fear that he is going to be upset with me because I didn’t do enough.

When I was going to graduate school, I carpooled with a woman who would say that she never made green lights. The light would always turn red for her before she got to the intersection. And she was right. Every time she approached a traffic light, it would turn red just as she got there. But then when I watched, I noticed that she would slow down as she approached a light because she expected it to turn red. And it always did. It wasn’t some cosmic joke on her. It was her expectation.

Jesus told a parable of three servants. The master was going away for awhile and gave each of them money to keep until he came back. When he did return, two of them had doubled their money through investing and work. But the third buried his. The interaction between the master and the third servant is recorded in Matthew 25:24-27:

24. “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.

25. So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26. “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?

27. Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

This servant was afraid of the master, called him “a hard man.” He was afraid the master would yell at him. And, guess what. What he expected is what happened.

I seriously need to change my expectation of God.